


Worthy

by confundedgryffindor



Series: Chicken Man [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bodybuilder Remus, Buff Remus, Cuddling, Depression, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Some Humor, Some angst, i am asexual i do not think of such things, i made myself Feel Things when i wrote it, i'm still the worst at describing remus' appearence, it's very cute tbh, like so much fluff, movie date, sirius still works at tesco but it's only mentioned, some pizza eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-22 23:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19139065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor
Summary: “What if he doesn’t like me, when he sees… This side? Or he decides that I’m too high maintenance for not wanting to go outside every time we meet?”“Then he’s not worth it,” Lily said. “If he doesn’t like the way you are at all times, then he’s not worth your time,”Sirius swallowed hard and stared down into his tea. Lily took a deep breath and put her hand on Sirius’ knee. “You’re worthy of being loved, Sirius, even if you don’t see it yourself. You’re so good, you just need to start believing in it,”-A fluffy movie date between Remus and Sirius.





	Worthy

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY so, i've had enough of writing awkward dates, so this takes place some month after two coffees and a blueberry scone, it's implied in the story, but in case you get confused, here's the disclaimer.
> 
> i lOVe writing this sries it's so much fun skdjksjdks
> 
> beta read by the wonderful [ lovelessinmanhattan ](https://lovelessinmanhattan.tumblr.com/)
> 
> hope you enjoy!

“Have you considered talking to a therapist?” Lily asked. She was sitting cross legged next to Sirius, who was laying with his back facing her on his bed. She had her hand in his hair, scratching mindlessly, as if he was Snuffles and not a grown man.

Of course he’d considered it. He hated feeling like this. Like he was buried underneath a wet blanket, unable to breathe properly. Like nothing really mattered, and everything he’d ever done was insignificant and pointless. Like it wasn’t worth to try and go to work, or try to keep talking to Remus. Because even though he knew that Remus liked him (they’d slept in the same bed, for God’s sake), there was always something in the back of Sirius’ mind telling him that Remus could do better.

He hated the feeling he got when he didn’t have the energy to shower or eat, and had to force himself to go out with Snuffles. When he had to call Lily, not because he wanted company, but because he needed help, even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

“Sirius?” Lily asked and moved her hand to his ear instead, scratching a little. Sirius exhaled shakily and squeezed his eyes shut.

“I can’t afford it,” he mumbled. He wasn’t sure if he could afford it or not, he just didn’t have the energy to check it out. He took another shaky breath. “And maybe… Maybe I deserve to feel this way, and don’t deserve to get help. Maybe it’s just meant to be this way, like… Life wasn’t made for  _ me, _ ”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Lily said. Sirius blinked away a few tears and buried his face into his pillow. “Come on, Sirius. How can you say something like that?”

Sirius just shook his head as he kept blinking away tears. “Everything just feels so  _ fucking  _ shitty,”

“I know,” Lily whispered. He let out a sob, and then another, and another. Loud, shaky, and watery sobs.

He hated feeling like this. 

He had Remus, his  _ almost but not quite there yet _ boyfriend. He had James and Lily, and Harry. He had Snuffles.

He should have been happy, but he wasn’t.

Lily sighed and just kept her hand in Sirius’ hair until his sobs finally subsided. She scratched his scalp, then smacked her free hand down on her thigh. Sirius flinched a little, and sniffled a few times.

“Sit up, I’m getting tea and biscuits,” Lily said. Sirius wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and sniffled a couple more times. 

“I wanna stay here,” he sounded childish, and he hated it. But he really just wanted to stay there. 

“Stay there, then,” Lily said and rose from the bed. “But sit up,”

Sirius groaned, but sat up. Lily smiled at him and gave his head another pat. He scrubbed his hands over his face, sniffling as he did so.

“Where’s Snuffles?” it came out far too weak for his liking, muffled by his hands. 

“The sofa,” Lily said. “I’ll bring him back with the tea and biscuits,”

Sirius nodded slowly, sniffling again. Lily gave him a small smile, then left the room. 

Sirius just wanted to sink back into the pillows and sleep for an hour. Or a day. And hopefully wake up happy and optimistic about the world. Where he was living happily ever after with Remus, had a stable job which he actually enjoyed, that didn’t involve fake smiling and arguing with customers,

Lily came back into the room, holding a tray with two mugs of tea and a plate of biscuits. Snuffles trotted beside her, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. Sirius patted the mattress beside him, gesturing for Snuffles to jump up beside him.

“Wow,” Lily said as Snuffles hopped up beside Sirius, and put his head in Sirius’ lap. “Favoritism at its finest,”

Sirius scratched Snuffles’ ears and shrugged, “It just be like that sometimes,”

Lily sat down opposite of Sirius and handed him one of the mugs, then grabbed a biscuit.

“Moving on from therapy,” she said. “Do you and Chicken man have anything planned?”

Sirius shrugged again and blew at his tea, “We were supposed to do something tomorrow, but I don’t know if he wants to see me like this,”

Lily frowned, “You’ve been dating for what? A month? Surely, he’d like to see all sides of you, and not just the picture perfect, smiling and scone eating version,”

Sirius chewed his lip for a second, then took a sip from his tea, “What if he doesn’t like me, when he sees…  _ This _ side? Or he decides that I’m too high maintenance for not wanting to go outside every time we meet?”

“Then he’s not worth it,” Lily said. “If he doesn’t like the way you are at all times, then he’s not worth your time,”

Sirius swallowed hard and stared down into his tea. Lily took a deep breath and put her hand on Sirius’ knee. “You’re worthy of being loved, Sirius, even if you don’t see it yourself. You’re so good, you just need to start believing in it,”

 

***

 

**Sirius, (14:23):** this is kinda hard for me to say because i do not open up, but i am feeling very shitty right now. is it okay if we like.. cancel out date and just stay in? i’ll order pizza and you can bring your healthy food, and we just watch a movie or something?

**chicken man <3, (14:26): ** Don’t apologise for shitty days, love. What kind of pizza do you want? 

**Sirius, (14:27):** bbq chicken i guess

**chicken man <3, (14:27): ** I’ll be over at seven, pick whatever movie you want to see, I’m good with whatever :) 

 

Sirius stared down at his screen, his heart racing in his chest. He typed down “i love you”, then erased it, typed it down again, and erased it once more, then kept staring at his screen. 

He had never appreciated anyone more than he was appreciating Remus right now, and he couldn’t think of anything else to say other than “I love you.” But he wasn’t sure if they were quite there yet. Though Remus had just called him  _ love…  _  
  


**Sirius, (14:29):** thank you so much

**chicken man <3, (14:30): ** It’s no problem. I’ll see you later <3  
  


Sirius took a deep breath and glanced around his room. The sitting room and kitchen looked fine, but his bedroom was a right mess.

There were clothes everywhere, he had at least five empty tea mugs on his bedside table, and it was generally not tidy. Like in the slightest. It was almost as if he was living out his teenage years of the time when he didn’t get to be messy, but in adulthood instead, because now he didn’t have any parents to piss off when he was messy. Only a slightly terrifying redhead.

Sirius hoped that they would stay in the sofa, but considering how tired he was all the time, him and Remus moving to his bedroom wouldn’t be very surprising. (Moving in there for completely innocent reasons, of course. Remus was a surprisingly great cuddler, even with his large muscles.)

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. He had to shower, at least. And walk Snuffles. His room could remain messy for now.

 

The hours droned on. Sirius showered, walked Snuffles, chain smoked a little, threw all the tea mugs in the dishwasher, chain smoked some more, watched some Family Guy, stared blankly at a document forever, and then remained sitting in his sofa.

He’d moved past being nervous about meeting Remus. He still got excited, of course, but right now he couldn’t do much else but to lay on his sofa, mindlessly watching Family Guy as his glasses dug into the side of his face.

His heart was beating a tad bit faster than usual, but that was really the only thing that told him that Remus was on his way. It wasn’t giddy nerves and butterflies right now, and it worried him a little. He wanted to be excited, to nervously sweat a little and not be able to think straight. 

But love didn’t fix everything, he supposed.

 

Sirius didn’t get up until he heard a knock on the door, and that was when the nerves kicked in. He was still dressed in pyjama bottoms and a sweater, his hair was slightly damp from his shower, pulled up into an extremely messy bun, and he had marks on the side of his face where his glasses had dug into his skin.

Sirius swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths before opening the door, and there stood Remus, in all his glory. He looked rather similar to Sirius, clothing wise, which made him feel a bit better. Remus was dressed in joggers and a hoodie, holding a pizza box in one hand and a Tesco bag in the other.

“Hey,” Sirius gave him a weak smile and stepped aside so Remus could go inside. 

“I got barbecue chicken, like you asked,” Remus said as he kicked off his shoes, then leaned down and gave Sirius a quick peck the lips. Sirius blushed.

“Thank you,” Sirius grabbed the pizza box. “I’m gonna start the movie, but you know how the microwave works,”

Remus smiled and gave Sirius another peck, on his forehead this time, before nodding and walking into the kitchen. Sirius smiled to himself and went back to the sitting room.

Snuffles had jumped up on the sofa when Sirius was in the hallway, and he was now sitting on the middle cushion, leaving no room for Sirius and Remus.

Sirius cocked a brow at his dog.

“Down,” Sirius pointed on the floor. Snuffles whined and stretched out across the sofa. “Oh for fucks sake. Down!”

Snuffles whined again. Sirius pushed his glasses down to pinch the bridge of his nose, then took a deep breath.

“Hey, Rem?” 

“Yeah?” Remus called out from the kitchen. Sirius could hear him rummaging around in a drawer for cutlery as the microwave whirred in the background. 

“Call for Snuffles, please,” Sirius’ hands were starting to burn a little from the hot pizza box, and he didn’t know if he could set the box down with Snuffles in the room. 

Remus laughed, and Sirius could hear him pat his thigh. Snuffles’ head perked up.

“Snuffles!” Remus said, his voice high pitched and loud enough to get Snuffles’ attention, but not enthusiastically enough to have him get off the couch.

“Snuffles!” Remus repeated. The dog jumped off the sofa and scrambled into the kitchen, his claws clicking loudly against the floor.

Sirius laughed and sat down on the sofa. He crossed his legs and put the pizza box in his lap, finally relieving his hand from the almost burning heat of the pizza. He opened the lid, then tore it off and threw it down on on the coffee table.

Remus walked into the sitting room holding a steaming glass container, which presumably held rice, chicken, bell pepper and a load of spinach, as well as a plastic tupperware container which Sirius guessed had some salad in it. Snuffles trotted happily beside Remus, his eyes set firmly the glass container.

“It feels kinda stupid to call a dog Snuffles in such a high pitched voice,” Remus said as he sat down next to Sirius, putting his food in his lap. Sirius grabbed a piece of chicken from his pizza. 

“He’ll listen to anything if you say it enthusiastically enough. Look,” Sirius said and held up the chicken piece in front of his dog. He put on his  _ I’m talking to a child or dog _ -voice, “Hey, Dickhead!”

Snuffles’ tail started wagging and he gave a small bark, staring at the chicken piece. Sirius threw it across the room, and Snuffles immediately bolted after it. Remus threw his head back and laughed.

“That’s fantastic,” he said as he put some chicken and rice on his fork. 

Sirius scooted a bit closer to Remus, then grabbed the TV remote just as Snuffles trotted back to the sofa. He stared hopefully at Sirius, who just cocked a brow at his dog again. 

“What?” Sirius said, then looked up at the TV and started setting up the movie. (A romantic comedy, because no one was there to stop him.)

Snuffles kept staring at Sirius, and the exact moment when Sirius was about to put the remote on the coffee table, Snuffles made a move to take a bite out of the pizza.

“OI!” Sirius glared down at Snuffles, who stopped mid-action, his mouth hanging open, mere inches away from the pizza. Remus laughed again, into his hand this time. “Go away,”

Snuffles looked guiltily up at Sirius, then back to the pizza, his mouth still hanging open. Remus was still laughing into his hand, trying to swallow a mouthful of food at the same time. 

“Go away,” Sirius repeated. Snuffles snapped his mouth shut, then gloomily walked out to the kitchen, looking back at Sirius every few steps. Sirius cleared his throat and scooted even closer to Remus before grabbing a slice of pizza. 

“A romantic comedy?” Remus asked once he’d stopped laughing and swallowed his mouthful of chicken.

“You said I could pick whatever,” Sirius shrugged, then took a bite from his slice. Remus just shrugged and shoveled some salad into his mouth.

They continued to eat in silence, sitting close enough that their legs touched and Remus’ arm bumped into Sirius’ everytime he put food in his mouth. Sirius didn’t mind though. It was comfortable to sit with someone who didn’t try to pry out all of Sirius’ troubles out of him, or who force fed him tea and biscuits. It was nice to just  _ be.  _

He didn’t have to talk, he didn’t have to force himself do be happy. He could simply exist, and that would be enough.

Once they had finished their meals, Sirius moved to sit even closer to Remus. 

It took some weird and messy manoeuvring, but eventually they ended up cuddled together. Remus with his back against the armrest, arms wrapped securely around Sirius, who was sitting in his lap. Their legs were twined together, Sirius had his hands on Remus’ forearms and his head was resting against his shoulder. It was slightly uncomfortable, and a weird angle to sit in while they were watching a movie, but it worked. Sirius felt secure. And he was once again marvelled about how much of a teddy bear Remus was, even with all those muscles.

Sirius lifted his head a little to give Remus a kiss on his jaw, then he let his head fall back down against his shoulder again. 

Sirius felt unreasonably tired, and he was a little scared of falling asleep. Though it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, to fall asleep in Remus’ arms. 

“You alright?” Remus whispered. 

Sirius nodded mutely, letting his eyes fall shut, “‘m good,” he mumbled then turned around a little to bury his face in Remus’ neck. “Tired though,”

“We can go to bed,” Remus suggested. Sirius shook his head, a yawn escaping his lips.

“‘m fine,” Sirius let go of Remus’ arms and detangled their legs. He, very clumsily, turned around so he was facing Remus instead, then wrapped himself around Remus’ body, as if he were a koala clinging to a tree. Remus laughed softly and wrapped his arms around Sirius again. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Sirius yawned and buried his face in the crook of Remus’ neck again. The angle was (yet again) awkward, because Sirius was too tall to be able to have his head rest comfortably against Remus, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “It’s just… Depression,”

“Alright then,” Remus said. He held Sirius even tighter and pressed a kiss to his hair.

Sirius smiled against Remus’ neck, then shifted a little again, so he could give Remus a quick kiss, then nudged his nose before resting his forehead against Remus’.

Remus smiled and began running his hand up and down Sirius’ back, smoothing out his jumper. Sirius swallowed hard and just sat there, not really thinking a lot about anything. He just let go of everything, enjoying the background noise of the movie and the feel of Remus’ hands on his back.

“I like you a lot, you know?” Sirius almost whispered after a while, his forehead still pressed against Remus’. “It’s a little strange even,”

“Hmh?” Remus ran his fingers over Sirius’ spine. Sirius shivered.

“Yeah. I mean I went from being a bored retail worker, to seeing you for the first time. And the first times it wasn’t that special, I’ll admit, but as you kept coming in I just…” Sirius swallowed hard and gave an awkward laugh. “It’s gonna sound like I’m obsessed with you, but it felt like I had… Purpose. I looked forward to seeing you every Tuesday, it was always something that I could just… Think about when I felt like I didn’t want to go to work, or go outside. You helped me, a little, without even knowing it,”

Remus froze a little, and Sirius felt out of breath. It had all just tumbled out of his lips before he could stop it. It was stupid, he shouldn’t have said it. It was too soon. It had only been a month, it was  _ far  _ too soon.

Sirius felt Remus’ hands moving again, up his back, up to the back of his neck. Sirius felt frozen. 

Remus grabbed hold of Sirius neck, gently, and then crashed their lips together. 

Sirius stilled for a second, then melted into the kiss. It was messy and uncoordinated. Teeth clashing together, tongues sliding sloppily against one another, but it felt  _ right. _

Remus’ hands ended up tugging at Sirius’ bun, and Sirius kept his hands on Remus’ back, letting his hands wander over the muscles.

Sirius could almost swear that his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was going to die like this. And he would die happy.

He felt even more out of breath when they pulled apart, and he put his forehead against Remus’ again. 

“I like you a lot too,” Remus whispered. “If you haven’t noticed.”

Sirius laughed breathlessly, “Well, I’m glad,”

The end credits from the movie began rolling, and Sirius closed his eyes again.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Remus asked. It was so innocent and so wholesome, and Sirius’ already racing heart skipped a beat. 

“It’s only nine,”

“A nap, then,” Remus said. Sirius laughed. 

“A nap sounds good,” 

Fifteen minutes later, they were laying in Sirius’ bed in his incredibly untidy room. Remus hadn’t even pointed out how messy the room was. He’d simply gotten undressed (he was far too warm to sleep with clothes on), and then climbed into bed with Sirius.

They ended up facing each other, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other. 

It was warm and comfortable, and Sirius fell asleep feeling comfortable, and happy.

**Author's Note:**

> wooo leave a comment if you enjoyed and check out my tumblr [](https://confunded-gryffindor.tumblr.com/)


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